A year has passed since the separation.
Since the house was put on the market.
Since I began to feel that, at last, I was making conscious decisions – choices that were true to who I was. And although it was not always easy, I kept letting go of everything that no longer served me.
I was fully ready for the decision to leave the relationship and sell the house. I felt calm and certain that this time, I would follow through. But life had to push me out of the corporate world.
It was as though life had made a pact with my body, knowing that I did not yet have enough courage to leave on my own.
I watched in surprise as, week by week, my body began to slow down.
I would wake up, open my eyes, and the first thoughts would already appear – but my body still seemed to be asleep. It would not move. It needed time before I could stretch, shift, and finally get out of bed.
That was when I understood how deeply overwhelmed it had become. How much it had been carrying.
Because my mind kept repeating: “We can still manage. If not us, then who?”
A year ago, I was convinced that by summer at the latest, I would already be somewhere completely different.
I did not know where, but I knew it would be beautiful. I knew I would feel at peace there.
Then summer came – and with it, disappointment.
The sale was not going the way we had expected. Everything kept dragging on. At times, I was angry. I did not understand. I argued with fate.
Today, I realised that there is no resentment or rebellion left in me. I can see the value in this pause.
It may look as though I have been stuck, but that is only an illusion.
Physically, I am still in the same place. But mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, I am somewhere entirely different.
I thought I had to change my surroundings in order to feel that shift.
But all I truly needed was to remain faithful to myself.
This has been a time of learning to let go, to set boundaries, and above all, to release control and trust – including trust in myself.
I was given this time so that I could build the most important home of all. Not the one outside me, but the one within.
A home filled with beauty and peace.
A home that always brings me comfort whenever I return to it.